The results are back and it is not what we hoped to hear. Apparently, I have multiple issues that would cause me to continue to have pregnancy losses. It is very unlikely that I will biologically have a healthy child, and my doctor does not recommend me trying anymore. Of course I am saddened by this news, but after 4 years and 5 miscarriages, we now have an answer. I don't know when it will happen, but God has our baby coming towards us a little everyday. However, the end of September will be a sad time (would have been our baby girl's due date).
April 15, 2013
#firstbump #bump
Candice Stewart MacDaniels We are so excited and very thankful for all the prayers from so many. We still get nervous at times, hard not to after so many losses. It is such a joy and relief to be able to feel zoe move throughout the day. I am bursting with happiness and loving my belly and every pregnancy symptom...both good and bad.
June 11, 2013
I have an amnio scheduled for july 11 @ 15 weeks. Now I am freaking out. Wondering if I should just have MaterniT21 (tests for 13,18,21) and nuchal translucency first and if normal, just wait it out. Panicking about risk of mc after amnio. I have robertsonian 13,14. Any thoughts?
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I wouldn't get 100% answers from maternit21 and nuchal but we won't terminate regardless so I dunno. It would be nice to know one way or the other. I will talk to my reg obgyn fri and call perinatologist as well. It is a tough decision.
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Im 11 weeks now. I usually mc before 9 wks, except last time I got to 15w. We did nt last time and it was abnormal plus there was a hygroma and were told to expect to mc, which we did 2 weeks later.
June 17, 2013
I have a nuchal translucency test scheduled for tomorrow. Last pregnancy, the NT scan showed a hygroma and non developing brain. We mcd before the amnio could be done. Getting a bit nervous.
BT friend: "was that mc due to BT?"
Candice: We didn't test to see if baby had ubt associated with my bt. FMS thought it was turners and also noted abnormal brain development but said he couldn't be sure. Since it was the first time I had made it past 9 weeks, we thought we were in the clear and had finally gotten our take home baby. It was devastating and I hate to admit it but I was relieved when baby's heart stopped a week later. Definitely the hardest mc. My theory is that taking progesterone prolonged an unhealthy pregnancy. This time I am not taking progesterone.
June 23, 2013 I have a constant headache. Every day I go home and put a cold compress over eyes. Tylenol is not helping very much. When I walk very far at all, I hear my pulse in my head and it causes more pain. Any tips? Im going to try to get to the chiropractor tomorrow.
Using a bit of caffeine when it gets bad and that helps. I am going through about a 20oz coke over 3 days. Dh keeps trying to get me to drink one cup of coffee a day, but I am really trying to avoid caffeine.
July 21, 2013
I have C. Diff. again.
This poor little baby is having to overcome a lot. Good news is that I have an ultrasound on Wednesday.BT Friend: What is Cdiff?
Candice: Clostridium difficile. It is an opportunistic gastrointestinal bacteria that causes abdominal cramping, bloating, and diarrhea. I lost 10 pounds in 5 days when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Now I have it again. It has a habit of recurring in some individuals and I think being immunosuppressed after my kidney transplant and pregnant has made me a prime candidate for c.diff. It can also cause some nasty physical changes to your colon so hoping no permanent damage occurs.
It is the number one antibiotic associate infection, which is why taking probiotics is a good idea whenever you are on antibiotics. Florastor is a good one, though expensive
It is the number one antibiotic associate infection, which is why taking probiotics is a good idea whenever you are on antibiotics. Florastor is a good one, though expensive
July 24, 2013
17 week anatomy scan was perfect. And it is a GIRL! So so happy.
No more testing for me as long as all keeps looking good. However, my OB has mentioned doing an amnio in late pregnancy to check baby's lung maturity because she is thinking of delivering me early as long as baby's lungs are ready. This has nothing to do with the BT but with my transplant and antiphospholipid syndrome.
I will continue to be followed by FMS and my OB throughout the whole pregnancy and have another level II u/s scheduled in 5 weeks.
July 25, 2013: Names are hard
I would love suggestions. For boys I like evan ethan mason logan garrett alex and max
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We have changed our name so many times over the past five years....for both girls and boys
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We keep going back to ellie. Name elena marie or elena rose. Also like genevieve hope or avery hope
Dh now really likes zoey....I like Zoe
We are still on middle names. Jane means god is gracious, marie means bitter, and grace means grace
September 4, 2014: 23 weeks 2 days
October 9, 2013: 28 weeks
November 27, 2013
Maybe I am just over-worrying? Had an ob appt this am and a fms appt four hrs later. At the ob, when they measured my belly, she hesitated and then re-measured twice trying to get a better number because the measurement was small and I have consistently measured big. At the fms, I was scheduled for my every three week growth scan. Zoe has been measuring in the sixty fifth or higher range for gestational age. Last scan she was est five#one oz. this time, her first est was five#six oz. I panicked and said is that it...she was five# one oz three weeks ago!? Us tech remeasured and came up with a new est of five and eleven oz. One of the dr came in as normal and he said baby looks good. Upon questioning her decreased growth rate, he was not concerned bc she was in the forty second% for growth. I am concerned and stressed
My size is one of my concerns for her growth. My entire family is giant...ranging from 6'6'' (brother) to 5'10" (mom who is the shortest in the fam). DH is average ht at about 5'10" and his family is kind of average. Because of the renal failure, my growth was severely stunted and I barely made it to 5 feet with the help of years of growth hormone injections. So I have wondered if genetically, she is big (which she has been measuring) and since my growth was so restricted from childhood health issues, is she running out of room. My other concern is has my antiphospholipid syndrome caused blood flow to be diminished. I am confident she is healthy, I just cant help but wonder if one of my multiple health issues is causing a problem.
November 30, 2013
I'm spending the night in the hospital. The c.diff infection has caused me to lose a lot of fluid and my kidney function is declined because of my volume depletion. Also a bit acidotic. Baby is fine and I am hoping to have no more diarrhea and maybe eat in the morning without incident.
December 1, 2013
Im staying another night. I will be 36w tomorrow. My ob and fms will round in the morning. The on call ob for my ob says his gut feeling is the baby will be here this week but we will see what my docs say.
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Going home today! Baby is staying put for now and I wont be going back to work...nice to rest, but uses up my time with baby when she arrives :(
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I already lost one week to the c diff infection in june and now losing two more, so im down to about nine weeks after baby comes. But dh is going to take vacation when I go back, so daddy/daughter bonding for 3 weeks. Then I am going to try to use some vacation time. Im really hoping to go parttime soon but thats not possible now
December 4, 2013
FMS is calling my OB to set a day for induction! He also told me that they won't let me labor too long so if I don't respond well/quickly to the pitocin, they will do section
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I'm more afraid of vaginal delivery than C-section ;) They still say 38 weeks, which starts Dec 16th. So I have about 1.5 weeks left. Since my aggressive rehydration in the hospital, I have had serious lower extremity edema so I'm spending a lot of time with my feet up. Last night, DH said I looked like the CHF patients he runs on :( But my blood pressure is still excellent so it's not preeclampsia.
January 5, 2014
I have to go back on my immunosuppressive medication that is a big no for breastfeeding. I am trying to pump to get some bm stored before I restart it but looking for recs on formula.
We've been having a really tough time with Zoe. She was constantly screaming and bucking away from the bottle. And had a rash in her forehead. So I decided to finally try a hypoallergenic formula. Already she is a different baby and it's only been two days. She got her immunizations today so is fussy but still but the screaming before. However, we now have to see peds surgery because her fontanelle is pretty much closed at two months
December 30, 2014
It is a relief that in six months we will be done. No more bruises from Lovenox injections or crazy hormones. Adam and I will have been married seven years in April. In that time, I have been pregnant nine times (cumulative time of 113 weeks=2.17 years), lost 7 babies, delivered two babies-one my beautiful Zoe and the other a baby who never took a breath. We almost didn't continue to try because it was too hard but God used people and circumstances to push us forward. In June, we are expecting another baby girl and everything looks great. I pray I haven't passed on the Robertsonian translocation to our girls or that medical advances solve the issues. Through this journey we have grown so much. For anyone else struggling to have a family, there is hope. Doctors told us it wouldn't happen and urged us to stop trying. I also want to urge people not to be thoughtless with sharing your opinions and "comforting thoughts," or complaining about "stupid" stuff---others could be praying for what you're complaining about.
2015
Feb 6, 2015
Never thought I'd get to do it again. I remember telling Adam I was sad that I'd never be big and pregnant again (after we lost our 8th pregnancy and.I said enough.) And now I'm thankful to be able to feel Ellie moving around. I'm happy for me but can't help but know there are so many "mothers" without babies that are hurting. I think of you often even if I don't know who you are, I'm praying for you.
February 18, 2015
I started a new job. Finances were getting tight. I'm working 2 days a week in a dispensing pharmacy from 730 to 630. And then about 32 hrs a month at the hospital.
unknown date
During my 6th pregnany, the first trimester screening showed something very wrong with my baby.
The doctor asked if I would like to schedule to terminate the pregnancy since the baby was not developing correctly. There was no hesitation from me. Heartbroken, I said no.
He asked if I would like to schedule an amnio to see what we were dealing with.
I agreed to scheduling the amnio, thinking maybe I could find support groups or plan where to deliver my baby for the best chances of survival.
I was beyond heartbroken. This baby I had prayed for and hoped for... this child I carried was sick. I knew that God held my life and my baby's life in His hands. That my child could be healed. We prayed. We hoped. We cried...a lot.
Going through each day was difficult. And then the day came that our baby's heart stopped beating.
I am thankful that I have since been blessed with 2 living, beautiful girls. But I know I have 6 babies in heaven with God. I loved them their entire lives on earth and still weep about the lost memories I had from the moment I learned they were growing below my heart.
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